It’s a tricky business being a working parent. Balancing work and household priorities, juggling multiple tasks, getting the kids to school on time, and caring for a newborn, all while trying not to get lost in the process. That’s quite a handful! Thankfully, moms and dads keep their sanity intact by supporting each other, helping each other, and dividing responsibilities fairly. Well, usually. Because as one to send shared on the AITA subreddit demonstrates that this is not always the case.
A 35-year-old woman has turned to the internet for advice after an exasperating situation, in which her husband neglected her children for a video game. As she detailed in her story, her husband started spending more time playing and forgetting about taking care of himself and the house.
Because the man had told her it wouldn’t be a problem, she trusted him enough to leave everything in his care while he was at work. And she regretted it immediately after returning home to find her 6-month-old daughter wearing a full diaper for 9 hours while she “was busy playing”. Scroll down to read how the situation escalated below, and be sure to let us know what you think in the comments. Then don’t miss the chat we had on the importance of dividing chores equally with relationship coach Sam Owen.
After Her Husband Started Spending Time Playing Video Games, This Woman Believed Him When He Said It Won’t Become A Problem
Image credits: Tima Miroshnichenko (not the real photo)
Until the day she came home to a crying 6-month-old to find her husband “forgot” to take care of her because he was “busy” playing
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the real photo)
Image credits: u/57675997
Parenthood can bring countless joys, but it also poses its fair share of challenges. As working parents face additional difficulties balancing work and family life, sharing the load equally is critical to the well-being of their children, partners and themselves. However, that’s easier said than done. In many families where both partners work full-time, the mothers are taking on more daily tasks in running the house
Given that women are still expected to do most of the childcare and housework, how important is it for couples to share the chores equally? And how can they find the right balance? We contacted an expert.
Sam Owen, global relations coach who makes it her mission to help people achieve their wellness goals, explained that both partners need to feel valued and know that their partner is there to help for a happy relationship to exist.
“This can mean different things to different individuals and couples,” the famous author of Happy relationships: 7 simple rules to create harmony and growth said Bored panda. “Aim for a balance that feels right for both of you. While technically these tasks may not look the same to an onlooker, they may seem like the right division for you due to each of your strengths and preferences. Ultimately, you need to find relationship rules that work for the two of you, regardless of what society thinks.
It is even more complicated for mothers who feel disproportionately responsible for taking care of the home and children: “they experience less relational satisfaction and greater tension for their well-being”.
Arguments usually ensue when partners aren’t pulling their weight or don’t value their other half’s time as much as their own. “Over time, it can lead to resentment and, ultimately, it can lead to a breakup or divorce (particularly, as one study found, when the wife feels there’s an imbalance).”
The relationship coach explained that it’s not just about what a partner is doing (or not doing), but also why they choose to behave this way. “Such selfish behavior, as is the case in this scenario, shows a complete lack of interest in the child and the family unit that needs to be addressed.”
“It could be that he’s purposely ending the relationship in the hopes of ending it, or rather, in the hopes that she will eventually end it,” Owen added. “This could be an early warning sign of a looming breakup/divorce.”
The fact that the husband neglected his children over a video game and then blamed his spouse for not reminding him what he should have done requires further discussion.
According to Owen, caring partners would never repeatedly forget to do something important for their loved ones. “So if your partner has a habit of not doing something, whatever the excuse, and then even worse, he’s blaming you for it, his behaviors are telling you that he doesn’t care enough to create a happy and healthy relationship.” with you .”
“It can be easy to make excuses for your loved ones in the beginning, before you realize what’s going on, so don’t beat yourself up about it. But once you know that, deal with it or it will make the relationship worse if left unchecked,” the coach advised.
For people who are often told things are their fault or those who are asked to take the blame for something they didn’t do wrong, Coach Owen suggested reaching out to someone. “Because you are likely to be in a toxic relationship, whether you are dealing with a narcissist or a narcissistic abuser.”
If you ever find yourself in similar situations with your partner, Owen advised you to come up with relationship rules that work for both of you. But if they still don’t honor them, “you need to find out what’s really plaguing your relationship.”
“Repeat offenders generally don’t have memory problems, or they have another problem that they will address with you if they want to save the relationship, or if they have a commitment problem and want the relationship to end, they may not admit it if they are being manipulative or abusive. If their answers aren’t forthcoming or just don’t make sense, intuitively work out the truth for yourself based on their repeated behavior rather than their words,” concluded Owen.
The mother then continued the conversation in the comments, clarifying some details about the situation
Readers were appalled by the man’s behavior and criticized him for neglecting his children